I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
