So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
