Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
