Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
