escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
