so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
