So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
