Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
