as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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