The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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