Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
