We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
is it fun? or sober?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
