so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize