Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
