I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
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