I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
