i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
