so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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