Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
