Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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