____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
