he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
