Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
