Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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