Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize