I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
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