Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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