I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
