he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
