Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
they're like a gay fantastic four
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
