I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
