I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
