Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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