Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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