does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
