he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
