I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
