i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
