So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
