That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
