she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
