It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
