Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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