i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
