I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
