Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
