In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
