I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
