I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
