So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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