It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
