That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I have post one night stand depression
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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