she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
