Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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