I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
