and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
