Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
