I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
honey bunches of taint.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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