I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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