the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
