too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
