i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
