funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
