apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
