the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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